Life Audit
The life audit is an activity that helps you map out what matters most to you. The idea is to commit to doing things in your life that are aligned with your values.
The problem is that so many people are so busy only thinking about future goals, just trying to get through the day, or are busy making other people happy instead of themselves. They don’t stop to think about what they want. They might not even know what their values are.
And through this exercise, most people find out that their actions aren’t following their values. Maybe that’s why they’re not as happy as they could be.
I’ve included this activity here because it’s one of my favorites to do and has deep roots in cognitive behavioral and acceptance and commitment therapy as well as how you organize.
Yep, how you organize. If you think about it, where you put things in your house should align with how you want to live your life and use your things, right? So doing the life audit (it has many names) will help you set up a system to compliment your values.
The idea is also to get away from what other people think you should value or be doing, or what you think other people think you should be doing. Are your goals external? Or are they just for you?
The more things you do to benefit and complement your values, the happier and more organized you will be. It also gives you parameters on what is “organized enough” for you.
Your space does not have to look like Martha Stewart’s and your planner doesn’t have to look like a Fortune 500 CEOs. You do you. Emphasis on YOU and not others.
You can do this as a New Year’s goal planning session, but I think it’s nice to do any time you feel off or in need of a reboot. Are you not meeting your goals? Are your goals not your own goals? Are you unhappy?
This activity is the first step in goal planning to commit to acting upon your own values and what you want in life. It will help with your productivity, goal setting, organizing and mental health. I call that a win. And the worksheets are fun to fill out (I like to color code them).
When I first did this exercise, I was not in a great place. I didn’t even want to write anything down. I realized that all the things that I valued and wanted to do… I wasn’t doing ANY of them.
And the things that I didn’t really care about, I overdid because I thought it would make other people happy. And I was miserable.
I was doing a really great job at work. I was doing like three people’s jobs because I thought it was never enough. And that made me not really fun to be around and I had no free time. So I basically had no friends or work relationships at that point either.
I had crowded it out with overworking to make other people happy. That’s not what the other people wanted. I just put that thought into my head and couldn’t get it out. But what I wrote that I valued was friendships and hobbies. Those weren’t happening.
Do you see how I could align my life better? I know you probably have a lot of suggestions. Writing this down will allow you to view everything more objectively too and then you can give yourself advice.
You can take as much time to work on this as you need. I like journaling to brainstorm and encourage myself and visualize my life, so I’ve included journal prompts as well.
This concept comes from the idea of values-based living from acceptance and commitment therapy. Here, we are addressing the commitment part. Can you commit to living according to your values. Can you check your actions from now on and make sure you are acting the way you truly believe you should in order to get what you truly want.
To know this, you have to know your values. Values are basic and fundamental beliefs that guide or motivate attitudes or actions. This is how we figure out what is important to us, what qualities guide our actions and who we want to be as a person. Values guide how we treat ourselves, other and how we interact in the world. They are the motive behind purposeful action. This is the motivation behind your goal setting. Without this “why” as many people call it, you might not feel like taking actions towards the goal you set if it’s not truly “your” goal or doesn’t align with what you ultimately value.
Okay okay you get it. Now how do we do it? First, we will brainstorm and journal about what each value domain (area of life) means to us. What do we want out of that area? Then, we will grade each domain by how important it is to us. Next, we will rate how successful we think we have been in each area, how satisfied we are with how we’ve acted. Last, we will analyze the results and rank our domains for importance of goal setting.
Reflection
Ultimately you just want 1-2 sentences or some keywords that will show your valued direction in that domain. But first, if you’re not the reflecting type, I have some questions that will help you visualize and flesh out each domain and what you want from it. If you hate journaling, skip right to the worksheet, but I feel like writing out what you think helps you summarize your ideas better later. Also! When you are writing, focus on what you want it to look like, not what you don’t want to do. Ex: don’t nag your husband.
Family
What sort of brother/sister, son/daughter, uncle/aunt, etc do you want to be? What personal qualities would you like to bring to those relationships? What sort of relationship would you like to build? How would you interact with others if you were the ideal you in these relationships? What sort of parent would you like to be? What sort of relationships would you like to build with your children?
Significant Others
(Marriage/couples/intimate relations) What sort of partner would you like to be in an intimate relationship? What personal qualities would you like to develop? What sort of relationship would you like to build? How would you interact with your partner if you were the ideal you in this relationship?
Friends
What sort of qualities would you like to bring to your friendships? If you could be the best friend possible, how would you like to behave towards your friends? What sorts of friendships would you like to build? Are there activities you want to try or places you want to go together?
Career
What do you value in your work? What would make it more meaningful? What kind of worker would you like to be? If you were to live up to your own ideal standards (without being a perfectionist), what personal qualities would you like to bring to your work? What sort of work relations would you like to build? What makes you feel satisfied at work?
Education
This is for regular education, continuing education, and personal growth and development; in other words, lifelong learning. Get your nerd on! What do you value about learning, education, training, or personal growth? What new skills would you like to learn? What knowledge would you like to gain? What further education appeals to you? What sort of student would you like to be? What personal qualities would you like to apply? Do you challenge yourself? What achievements are you most proud of?
Recreation
What sorts of hobbies, sports, or leisure activities do you enjoy? How do you relax and unwind? How do you have fun? What sorts of activities would you like to do?
Contribution
How would you like to contribute to your community or environment… through volunteering, recycling, supporting a group/charity/political party? What sort of environments would you like to create at home, and at work? What environments would you like to spend more time in? Are there any causes you feel passionate about?
Mental Health
How do you feel? How do you want to feel (most of the time)? Is there anything holding you back mentally? What are your motivations? What are your fears? How do you want to take care of your mind? Do you want to meditate or do any other mental exercises to clear your head? What do you want to do to mentally relax? Do you have someone to talk to (friend, therapist, etc)?
Physical Health
How is your health? What do you want your health to look like? What do you want your exercise to look like? What exercises are fun for you? What is your resting heart rate? What would you like it to be? What would you like your weight to be? How do you want to feel in your clothes? Are there any physical ailments you would like to correct (ex: high blood pressure)?
Money
How are your finances? What do you want them to look like? What type of spender/saver do you want to be? Are you saving up for anything big? Do you have a timeline and a plan? Do you have an emergency fund? Have you started saving for retirement? Do you have a budget? Do you want to donate money? What kind of relationship do you want to have with your finances? How do you want to feel when you deal with your finances? What would you do if money wasn’t an issue?
Priorities
After you have reflected on what direction you want to go in for each value, look at what those values mean to you. How important are they? Not everything in your life can be a high priority. This will only set you up for failure.
And you can’t make other people’s priorities your own. You need to gauge what matters to you? If a value doesn’t matter to you, then don’t work on it!
Use the Values Domains Priorities worksheet or jot down your own notes to help. For each values domain, note its importance to you on a scale of 0-10. 0 meaning it doesn’t matter to you at all, and 10 meaning it is essential to you.
Be honest. It’s best not to do this activity with other people or share your notes if it is going to skew what you write down. Be as true to yourself as you can. This is the only way this exercise works.
Metrics
Now that we know what your priorities are, we will evaluate how well you think you’re doing in each category.
This time you can use the Values Domains wheel worksheet or make your own. Fill in each wedge of the wheel with how successfully you think you have lived this value, by your definition of it, in the past month.
Defining the value and giving it a timeline more helps us to more accurately analyze our results. Shade in all the way to the outermost circle for 10, which would mean, I am awesome and don’t need to improve at this time.
Note, I say “at this time” because you could do this exercise once a month, year, whenever you feel you need a reset or refocus.
Each concentric circle is two. So working outwards, 10, 8, 6, 4, 2. If it is 0, just don’t fill in the wedge.
Goals
I like the wheel worksheet because it provides immediate visual feedback to me about what I need to work on. It has already taken into account my priorities, and now I’m looking at performance.
It really clarifies the reflection process. What needs attention in your life?
Remember from my story, I marked my friendships as very important, but I had a 0 in my performance. I wasn’t leaving the house, let alone hanging out with them.
I thought they didn’t want to hear from me so I didn’t call them. And I felt awful and alone. If I had just gone out or picked up the phone, I would have known they were right there and I would have immediately felt better for just trying.
This is because I would have been acting according to what my values were instead of letting negative thoughts distract me.
People that set goals often fail. Why? Their goals might have been set by someone else. They might have picked goals that society sees as appropriate. They might just have forgotten what their values are.
Or, they might not have taken the time to see if they were living out their values.
If you value your relationship with your children but you are always working, maybe it’s time to find a different job. If you value recreation but you are hoarding money instead out of anxiety, maybe you should buy a bike, or something that makes you happy while you are saving up.
As you complete these exercises, you will learn to spot the discrepancies sooner. Save yourself time, the one thing we can’t get back, and spend that time doing something that is meaningful to you.
Do you value friends over Netflix? Go out with them!
People are happiest when they find this connection and make values based committed actions. Literally. It’s in the science.
Pick the three areas with the biggest discrepancies and start your goal setting from there. I will have a lot more posts on goal setting. I got you.